


Broken Jesses

by Annibal



Series: Tethered Hawk [3]
Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Prostitution, Eventual Smut, M/M, Mentions of Prostitution
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-24
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-04-16 23:49:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4644639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annibal/pseuds/Annibal





	1. Chapter 1

Matthew finished two sets on the weights before moving to a treadmill. Normally he liked to run outside, but his free time had grown shorter since he had started work at the new hospital. 

He had worked hard to finish a four year program in three years, taking summer semesters to push through the work. It was what he had wanted but now that he was working with low pay and long hours he was wondering how long it was going to be like this.

It also helped him appreciate that the gym had everything he normally did in his sets all at one place, especially as his eyes ached with the soreness of having not gotten a good sleep in a while. His shift had recently changed, forcing him to move the hours he normally worked out.

He hadn’t really had a social life past the nurses he had studied with and a couple that he worked with. His roommate was a nurse that had been looking for someone to stay with. Matthew only had a few thousand in student loans, he figured it would be best to get it out of the way. So instead of socializing Matthew instead chose to sleep when he could and bury himself in work to get a better resume. 

Working out was one of the things that kept his mind straight and kept him from burning out. He just listened to the beat in his ears and relaxed into the work. 

It was so easy for his mind to wander and he started to focus on the man working out in front of him, he looked at how he strained with each use. 

When the man left he faded out again, thinking over his grocery list. 

Every once in a while a new person would take the place. It was almost a way to tell that time was actually passing as he ran in place. 

When the machine was empty for a while he finally finished. He felt tired, but he knew he would be more tired if he didn’t do this most days. 

He could feel a line of sweat dripping down his back under the blue jacket. 

It took only a few second to spray down the machine and wipe it off before heading to the locker room. If he showered here he could get home and catch a nap before work. His roommate would already be at work and it would be silent in their small apartment. 

After undoing his lock he grabbed his bag and took to the shower. 

It was mechanical, trying to get through it as quickly as possible, and it took no time. A lot of his life followed that goal, to get through it. 

Matthew wasn’t careful as he towelled off, leaving wet spots that felt cool as he pulled on his clean clothing. 

He would dry on the walk to his apartment, anything to save a little time that could be used sleeping. 

Matthew’s mind was still on how long he could sleep, how if he picked up dinner at the hospital he could get another half hour in cooking time.

He almost walked into the man coming towards him, but as he looked up he still managed to drop the towel in his hands. He hadn’t seen the face in front of him for almost four years. 

There was scars on Will’s face, he looked a little older, but there was no mistaking who it was.

It wasn’t a face he would forget, not with all the time they had intimately spent together. It was the long weekends and the smell of his skin that burned the memory into his brain. The tenderness in the morning, the little kisses across his forehead while he woke up. 

He could see the surprise on Will’s face and was sure it was just as clear on his own. 

“Sorry.”

Will bent down and grabbed his towel for him, pressing it into his hands. 

Their fingers brushed and they both lingered a moment before Will gave him a warm smile and continued onto the showers. He remembered all the touches, but what was the clearest was the nights they curled up together and how tightly Will had held his hand when they walked the dogs. 

He almost wanted to ask if he still had them, at the retreating back, but Matthew felt stunned, standing in place until he heard the shower. 

Feeling terribly awake he grabbed his bag out of the locker and started home. 

His mind was running, thinking if he should stop coming here, or come more often. After all Will wouldn’t say anything, he had just left after seeing him, it should be safe. Part of him wanted to cut off every memory of that time, but Will had never been in that part. He had honestly enjoyed it, it was the first time in a long time someone had made him feel really loved. 

He rubbed his eyes, he felt stirred up over it, wondering if it was just a drop in or if his usual schedule had kept them from meeting. 

Suddenly the world felt a little smaller, and he wondered if it was a sign, that he should start looking outside himself.


	2. Chapter 2

It hadn’t been an easy four years, it was more than just repairing the damage done to his muscles, something that he always had to work at. Even now he always had to continue going back to his physiotherapist and always working out to make up for the massive scarring. 

Will could no longer just go through the motions, Hannibal hadn’t killed him, but he might as well have. He hadn’t lived well since they met. 

He’d felt so tired for so long, six months ago he had even put his house up for sale, wanting a little more distance between them. Maybe to move on he had to do it literally. 

There had been a few interested buyers but so far no takers. He’d already found where he wanted to move, it was a small town out of the way in Florida. It would give him the peace he wanted, but life didn’t seem to want to give him peace. 

Ever since he had seen Matthew at the gym he hadn’t had any at all. 

It felt like he had been asleep for the last two years and Matthew was a splash of cold water. Will’s heart had almost stopped when he had seen Matthew after all these years, if that was even his name. 

It had not been so long that he didn’t remember how much he had enjoyed their time together. It wasn’t even the physical he had missed after they finished, it was just the time spent together, how well they had got on. Even if it was friendship paid for, it still felt real. 

It was an easier time when they knew each other. 

The two years that had followed that time had been hell, and Will had often clung to the memories as a time when he had felt better. 

The first time he saw Matthew he hadn’t been able to speak, except what he thought may have been an apology he forced out of his mouth. He knew that when Matthew ended things it been a clean cut and he understood that, he wasn’t going to break that trust. 

Except the next few times they met made him unsure if that was really what Matthew wanted. Matthew always smiled at him warmly, greeting him as if they had never met before the first time at the gym. It added confusion to the situation. 

He wasn’t sure what to do, if he could ask Matthew out for a drink without imposing on the past. Maybe they could have a fresh start, just pretend that everything was new. He could use a new life.

If his mind didn’t wander back to Matthew every night he might have been able to leave it be, not even try, but the looks and greeting that made him figure he had to at least ask. Matthew could say no.

After all he would be moving soon, if Matthew was truly uncomfortable with the situation he would be gone soon enough, and if he wasn’t Will would know he at least tried. Maybe then Will would be able to sleep peacefully without his mind wandering back to Matthew. 

That was why the last few times, when Matthew said hello, he responded with a little more, asking how he was. Matthew was warm, replying genuinely, telling him he was tired, but feeling good. 

This time he would ask for only a little more. 

Will waited for Matthew to finish, staying in the change rooms longer than needed. He finished his shower and dressed, sitting on a bench and sweating with nerves. It was an uncomfortable few minutes, he pretended to be busy on his phone, only to put it down each time he heard footsteps. Soon enough it was Matthew and his mouth felt dry.

“Morning.”

Matthew looked tired again today, something he noticed on the regular, but he still smiled. He was in his nursing uniform still. The first time Will had seen it he had felt pride in Matthew’s work, that he had managed to become a nurse since they had met.

“Is it morning already?”

Will ran his fingers through his hair, whisking away a few droplets, smiling in return at Matthew’s comment. 

“And you still come in?”

Matthew laughed, for the first time in four years Will heard the sound and it felt like rain in the desert, filling all the cracks in his mind. 

“I guess I love the torture.”

Will watched as Matthew dug out his black track pants and a blue jacket and he knew his time was running short. 

He took too long to ask and Matthew spoke again.

“To be honest I don’t think I would be able to make it through the day if I didn’t.”

Will almost said why he came, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to tell Matthew yet, not until he knew what was going on between them. 

“I feel the same way.”

He turned his head to give Matthew some privacy while he changed, it didn’t matter if he had seen it all before, he hadn’t gotten permission to look. 

“So, do you ever have time to grab a bite to eat?”

Will tried to keep his tone light, belying the nerves in his stomach.

“Ahh, I try to.”

Matthew sounded cautious, but he didn’t shut him down. It was the only reason he was able to finish the offer. 

“Would you want to get lunch sometime?”

“Oh, I don’t… I don’t do that anymore.”

Will felt his skin grow hot, it wasn’t how he intended it.

“I didn’t mean - I just meant food.”

“Oh.” 

Matthew stepped in front of him, he could see the black track pants and he looked up. The nurses face was a little concerned, but Will knew his answer before he said it.

“I do need to eat.”


	3. Chapter 3

Matthew couldn’t believe that he had agreed to a date, when he thought of a new start it hadn’t really included Will, but when he had asked Matthew found he didn’t want to say no. 

One date couldn’t hurt, even if the lunch got moved to dinner to work with their schedules. If all Will wanted was a return to the past, a frenzied rut to burn off his feeling, he was going to be disappointed. It had been almost two years since the last time Matthew had slept with someone, another failed relationship after he had been honest about how many people he had been with. He hadn’t really felt like trying again.

After that he had been too tired to invest in someone else, and with all the over time he was pulling lately he hadn’t really given it another thought. 

Or at least until now. 

He had picked the restaurant, someplace close and public so that if things began to get weird he could leave. It was a family style diner, but Matthew felt like that suited them. 

When he arrived his palms were sweaty and he was late, but he was also curious, both about the scar across Will’s forehead and the changes that he noticed in him. Both of them had changed, they were no longer who they were all those years ago, but maybe they had both changed in the same direction. 

Maybe he was grasping for some of the past, purely for a time when he didn’t feel so alone, but he was here and there was no turning back now. 

Will was already sitting in the waiting area and he awkwardly waved. 

Will stood and crossed the room coming to stand close. In his normal clothing he looked slightly different than he used to. Slacks well pressed, and the shirt ironed. He looked good, but Matthew had almost preferred the messy look of the past. He was tidier now in the way he dressed, and his hair was tamed, but Matthew was sure he had changed too. 

Seeing Will only in his gym clothing it wasn’t as noticeable as it was now. 

“Hey, I was starting to wonder if you would come.”

Will wasn’t criticizing him; there was happiness in his statement. 

“Sorry, I fell asleep on the couch.”

“Well you look good.”

There was a bit of tension, but it was from nerves, and he reached out, touching Will’s arm.

“You too.”

It helped break the uncomfortable feeling, but when the host came and led them to their table it was a relief. 

At the table it felt more intimate, and he found himself relaxing into the booth as Will thanked the host and took the menus. 

One was handed to Matthew and he opened it. 

He already knew he would just get a burger and fries, take the day off, so he set it down and leaned close to Will.

He reached out and brushed his fringe out of Will’s face, tracing the scar. Matthew knew that they weren’t close enough for the touch, but he had wanted to do that since he had seen it.

“What happened?”

Will pulled back, and his eyes went down, not meeting his own. Right away he felt a hint of guilt, but Will still responded.

“Do you remember how I would consult with the FBI?”

It was the first real reference to them knowing each other in the past other than the one time Matthew had misunderstood what Will had wanted. He let it pass though, they would have to deal with that at one point if they were going to continue seeing each other, but for now it was easier to pretend this was all new.

“Yes.”

“I consulted on the wrong case, got a little too caught up, got a little too close.” 

Will shook his head so it was covered again, but his eyes met Matthew’s for a second and he immediately felt better about having asked.

“I’m sorry.”

Will let out a dry laugh, but it didn’t sound like it held much humour. 

“Not as sorry as I am.” 

The conversation lulled and he felt a hand cover his own. There was already a strange feeling to the date, a little too much intimacy for how much they had talked since they met again, and yet it didn’t feel forced. 

“I shouldn’t have asked.”

He felt a squeeze, and he returned it. He hadn’t forgotten how Will had come back, shaking like a leaf, his body full of fear.

“No, I’d rather you knew. There are other scars too.”

It was a warning, if things did go further; Will was obviously concerned about what his reaction might be. He wondered what the plaid shirt was hiding. 

Matthew tried to give an understanding nod and he was glad when the waitress took their order to give them a little break in conversation. After that their words were light, Will mostly asking about his life now as a nurse. He didn’t try to sugar coat it, but he also let his love for the job shine though. 

He found out that Will had been teaching at a local university, and that he had started that after the incident that caused the scarring. 

Although he was tempted to ask more he forced himself to wait, he was quickly finding that he didn’t want this to be their last date. 

When the night ended Matthew leaned in and stole a kiss before he left, but not before he got Will’s phone number.


	4. Chapter 4

Will had been surprised when he received a phone call not even two days after their date, but it was pleasure more than shock that he felt when Matthew had asked him if he would like to join him after the gym. 

It hadn’t been a hard decision, he wanted to see him again. Will could hardly believe that even with the passage of time he and Matthew still got along so well. They were not the same people, but they were also not so different that they didn’t still fit together.

It was like seeing Matthew after all this time had shocked something in him, had awoken it. For the first time in a while he had something he actually looked forward to.

They met at the café and Will paid for both of their drinks. Matthew suggested they go to the park rather than sit in the café and Will had agreed. So they ended up walking hand and hand around a small artificial pond. 

“I realise this is only our second date, but I was hoping we could talk.”

Matthew’s lips pulled up on one side, smirking as he tugged Will to a bench.

“This is a date hmm?”

“I was hoping.”

Will offered as he seated himself. He tugged on Matthew so that he leaned into his side and he took the initiative to wrap his arm around his shoulders. 

One of Matthew’s hands rested on his thigh and the other was still holding the cup he was sipping from. 

“So what do you want to talk about?”

Will licked his lips, pausing before he spoke. He didn’t want it to come off as insulting, or make Matthew think that he assumed he was sleeping around so he tried to word it better than what his panic mind offered up. 

“I really enjoyed the other night, and today sure isn’t bad either.”

Will prefaced, and when Matthew nodded in agreement he continued. 

“I would really like to be able to see where this is going, maybe in an exclusive manner.”

Matthew laughed and turned his head to look over at him.

“Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?”

His tone was laced with pleasure and a hint of amusement, as if he hadn’t expected it. 

“If you want to call it that, sure.”

The hand on his thigh squeezed and Matthew’s head lolled back so he could meet his eyes again.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

Will looked out at the pond, watching a turtle swim slowly through the water, only really the head showing above. He watched the steady pace and felt like it matched what he needed to keep to with Matthew. 

If he rushed now he could lose the one person he had felt connected too lately, that could pull him out of his mind. At work he hardly talked to his students other than lectures and at home he only had his dogs. The familiarity between them had allowed him to skip a step, to actually be able to open up to another person. 

Will reached up and ran his fingers through Matthew’s cropped hair, watching how Matthew tilted his head into it.

They sat in silence for a while longer, Will taking solace from the quiet company and the rough feel of Matthew’s hair under his hand. He thought he couldn’t find peace here, but maybe he was just looking in the wrong places.


	5. Chapter 5

Their next two dates had taken the path of their first and Matthew now trusted that he was right about Will, that this was more than attempt to get someone to fuck his anger and fear out on. 

Even though he wanted to pretend that he could keep to his life, only working hard and keeping his head down, his want to be with Will was proof that he needed more.

It was that that made him invite Will over for dinner, but more than that, it was that that made him pick a night when he knew his roommate would be working late. 

He even had bought some whiskey like he knew Will preferred, hoping that the movie he had picked up would lead to more than the few kisses they had shared so far. It would be for after dinner and not with, something to loosen them up for what he hoped would happen after.

It had been awhile since he truly felt sexual attraction and now that the feelings were starting to come back he wanted to explore them. The warmth that fluttered in his stomach when they kissed brought him back to warm nights spent with Will. 

This time he hoped it would be different, that when Will spent the night, it would be about the two of them, and not about forgetting the past. 

It was the talk in the park that had sparked this, Will’s wish to be exclusive and his continued lack of pushing. Not once had he asked Matthew back to his house, when the dates had ended they would share a kiss and a few soft touches before parting ways. 

It spoke to him of respect, and that was more of an aphrodisiac than he had expected. 

He had tugged on a t-shirt and the bottoms to his scrubs, wanting to get dinner ready in comfort before he changed. Then when Will arrived Matthew would be prepared for his seduction. 

He started by making a spaghetti sauce, each ingredient he had picked up himself, making it completely by scratch. Matthew made sure to leave out the meat, instead adding layers of flavour through herbs and different vegetables. He had noticed that Will avoided it, and it made him wonder if Will had a problem with digesting animal proteins, so he left it out. It was unneeded anyway.

He tasted each layer carefully, letting himself enjoy it. 

The bread on the other hand he bought from a bakery before work. It would be an intimate dinner with just the two of them. 

He started the water, knowing that it would take a while to boil. 

When he heard a knock on the door he jerked, looking at the time. He felt a jolt of shock when he realised the time, he had taken longer than he expected. That would be Will.

Without the time to change he opened the door. 

“I didn’t realise it was so late, come in.”

Will stepped into the small apartment and looked around, wanting to take in as much as he could of the space. He had a bottle of wine in his hands and Matthew smiled, thinking that maybe they both had the same thought. 

“For dinner, I wasn’t sure what you were making.”

Matthew took it and set it on the counter, reaching past him to push the door shut. Will looked away at the sound and Matthew used it as a chance to kiss him. It started like their other kisses, the soft brushing of their lips, but then there was a distinct difference. A flick of tongue, asking him to open his mouth. 

Matthew was happy to obey, learning how to kiss Will again after all this time. It felt so good to taste him, and he wanted to deepen the kiss. 

A hand moved to the center of his back pulling him closer. 

There was comfort in the feeling, Will’s desire filling him, and then it was gone, their lips breaking apart. 

He noticed Will’s cheeks were flushed and his lips slightly swollen. 

“Come in, take off your shoes.”

Matthew left for the kitchen and Will kicked off his shoes by the door and followed.

There was no real dining room, just a table and two chairs that were half in the kitchen. It led into the living room which held one couch and an armchair. 

“It’s nothing fancy.”

“No it looks great, better than what I eat at home.”

Matthew rewarded him with a smile as he checked on the water. It was just starting to boil, but it would do. He put the noodles in and set the timer before turning back to Will. 

He took Will’s hand and led him to the sad little couch, pulling him down beside him. With only the light from the kitchen there was a romantic vibe to the night.

Matthew leaned into his side, a hand moving to rest on his thigh, and it only stood out how alone they were. That this night could go anywhere. 

“Sorry I’m a bit of a mess, I lost track of the time.”

Matthew ‘s hand moved up a little, still staying a safe distance from Will’s crotch not wanting to make him tense up.

“Not at all.” 

Matthew leaned in again and took Will’s lips, they only had until the timer went off so Matthew felt free to go a little further than they had in the doorway. He could feel Will relaxing into it, opening his mouth and rolling his tongue over Matthew’s. His touch shifted to Will’s shirt, tugging at it until it was untucked, a hand sneaking under to touch the skin. 

The relaxation was gone as he touched skin and he could feel the tension in Will as his fingers came in contact with scarring. It was thick and knotted, and he could feel parts of it were hard. There would have had to been a lot of damage to create scarring like this. 

“Oh god.”

Matthew pulled back to get a look at it and he could see Will turn away his head.

“I know.”

“I’m sorry.”

Matthew kept touching it, but this time he watched Will’s face waiting for him to turn back so he could see that he wasn’t grossed out. It was more shock at the damage. 

Only when he saw the slight hope creep into Will’s expression did he kiss him again, wanting Will to know that it didn’t matter what scars he had. 

And then there was only the warmth of Will’s lips, and the tingling feeling of the tips of his fingers tracing the scar. There was a deeper heat than before, a need to push away the memories like he had in the past. He could tell Will was pulling back slightly, making him work for it. 

He almost would have thought Will wanted to stop if his arm didn’t slip around Matthew’s back so that he could push his shirt up, letting his hand rest on his bare midback. Matthew wasn’t as small as the last time they had been together, he had gained muscle in the time since, and Will seemed to want to feel every change.

Matthew moaned into Will’s mouth and in response Will slowly dragged his fingers up his back, goose bumps rising under his touch. 

He was so involved in the taste of Will’s lips and the feeling of his hands he didn’t even hear the door open until it was slammed shut, probably to let them know they weren’t alone.

Will jerked back, and Will looked down quickly tried to tuck in his shirt. 

He stared at his roommate for a moment. He had never had friends over, or brought anyone back here. Not that Eric would have minded, but since Matthew had moved in he hadn’t wanted anyone in his space. 

“I thought you worked late tonight.”

“I was supposed to, but Emily took my shift.”

They both stared at each other, both non-verbally deciding to ignore it. 

“Uhh, Will this is my roommate Eric.”

“Hello.”

Will voice held none of what had happened as if their intimate moment was washed away. 

“The noodles are probably almost ready, you should join us.”

He peeked over at Will and saw him nod in agreement. This might be a hitch in Matthew’s plans, but that didn’t mean Will could still stay the night.


	6. Chapter 6

Will had been a little shaken up by the night, first by heated touches and the acceptance of his scar. 

It wasn’t hard to see that Matthew didn’t see it as anything more than another part of him.

Will had tensed at the time knowing what Matthew was going to find, he hated the scar, the reminder of what he had lost. It covered so much of his stomach, standing out like a stain. Yet it was accepted and touched with fingers that sent shivers down his spine. 

The next thing that surprised him was the roommate, he felt like he was in college again as the three of them ate the dinner Matthew had prepared. Watching the two of them talk and laugh about the people they worked with was enjoyable though. It didn’t matter if he didn’t know who they were talking about, it was good to see how Matthew lit up. It was times like this when he felt how young Matthew was, and he wondered if his initial guess of his age was off. 

At least it was a break in the heat of the night. Will had not wanted to push; he didn’t want Matthew to think that he only wanted to return to the past, so he was trying to keep the pace slow.

As soon as they finished though it was back on, Matthew stood a little too close, reaching out again and running his hand down Will’s arm. 

He kept his voice low, trying not to let his roommate overhear.

“Would you like to stay the night? We can have a drink alone in my room.” 

Now it was beginning to feel even more like university, he closed his eyes for a second and tried to collect himself. He didn’t want to turn him down and make him feel as if he didn’t want him, but he didn’t want to go too far. It was going to be a hard line to walk when he already wanted Matthew.

“Alright.”

He stayed standing in the kitchen watching the roommate make a few eyebrow wags at Matthew before he took off to his own room. 

Matthew still remembered how he liked to drink, pouring the whiskey into a glass and adding a few ice cubes. He made two the same and took a sip of one before holding out the other. 

“Thank you.”

Will took it, and Matthew raised one eyebrow. Will understood the meaning and the suggestion behind it. Matthew picked up the bottle and turned around, and Will didn’t know what else to do but follow. 

Matthew’s bedroom was tidy, and large enough that the situation of his roommate just a few doors away wasn’t too strange. It felt private. 

Matthew set the bottle and the glass down on the nightstand and then he finally turned to Will. He took his shirt of in one smooth movement and Will’s eyes were drawn down to his tattoos. His body was only better since the last time he had seen him without a shirt. He seemed broader, and stronger, but he knew how it felt to have Matthew under him. 

He took another sip of his whiskey, letting it warm him as he watched. Matthew slipped his thumbs under the waistband of his pants and pushed them down, kicking them off when they slid down far enough. 

The underwear wasn’t the same as in the past, it wasn’t the fitted black boxer briefs, and instead it was netted briefs, black and sheer. Matthew stood in front of him, not holding everything back. There was an open honestly from the younger man that he appreciated. 

He waited, letting Matthew come to him, and he did, crossing the floor with the grace of a dancer. 

“Let me help you with that.”

He could see Matthew’s hands were shaking slightly as he reached out and started on the buttons of his shirt. 

“We don’t have to do anything if you aren’t ready for it.”

“It’s not that.”

Will put his hand over Matthew’s stilling them. 

“Then what is it?”

“It’s nothing.”

Matthew brushed it off and kept working at the buttons, Will let him finish, watching how Matthew looked at his scars as he uncovered them. He looked so young as he expressed how unsure he was. 

Will slipped off a sleeve and the passed the cup to his other hand to take off the rest. It dropped to the floor, and he put a hand on Matthew’s shoulder, rubbing it softly.

“Tell me, and I’ll help you.” 

The touch worked like he hoped, Matthew starting to relax, and move in a little closer. He tilted his head up and kissed Will. It felt strangely innocent, even as his free hand moved down to his fly and he started working it open. 

The soft kisses against his lips moved, working over his jaw and into his neck. Will finished with the zipper and pushed them down until they started to slide down his legs. Leaving them both in only their underwear. 

He was bared in his own way, showing his scars, his body telling a story of what had happened. 

“Tell me.”

Will prompted again. 

“I’m nervous this will turn into what it used to be.”

Matthew’s voice was soft, but the words were sharp. They hadn’t been together long enough to build up the type of trust that was needed and Will knew for sure that tonight had to be about something other than sex. 

“It won’t be.”

He took a few steps, moving Matthew to the bed. Will set his own drink down beside Matthew’s and rolled down onto the bed so that he was sitting up. He extended a hand, holding it out in offering, and when it was accepted he pulled Matthew down into his lap. 

“We’re both different people.”

It was true, a large part of Will had died on Hannibal’s kitchen floor, and nervous young nurse he was looking at now was nothing like the man he had bought a few years ago for company. It was the delicate emotions that made the difference, both of them wanted a lot more than just sex.

He was easy to read as he settled around Matthew, holding him close. Matthew was confident in his body, and yet so emotionally scared. Will knew fear well, it was an old friend by now, and he knew how to manage it in others.

He started soft touches, running up and down Matthew’s side, touching the tattoos that he used to love to trace. Matthew turned in his lap, his expression looking more relaxed, that wasn’t all that he noticed, he could see that he was hardening at the touch, now that his fear was being reassured he was becoming aroused. 

He wondered if the underwear was worn for tonight, or if Matthew normally wore them. If this was what was hiding under his gym clothing, it was going to be a lot more distracting to have Matthew there. 

Will knew he was going to have to draw a line somewhere, not let it get to the point that he so desperately wanted. 

“I think we should just take it slow tonight Matthew, I’d rather we both felt sure.”

He pressed a kiss to Matthew’s cheek and nuzzled it lightly. 

“I’m in no hurry.”

Will mumbled, rubbing over his abs. 

Matthew was slowly turning to putty in his arms, his muscles unwinding at the words and fingers roaming over his body. Matthew’s cock was half hard and Will let his eyes flick over it, noticing the colour of his flushed glans. Will wanted to feel it in his hand again, and he closed his eyes for a moment to try and gather himself.

“Alright.”

It had been a long time since he was this close to someone and the skin contact was relaxing to him as well. It didn’t hurt that for once his loneliness had an outlet, one sitting in his lap, his ass pressed into his crotch. 

Matthew made a small hum of pleasure as Will’s hands explored him, getting to know all the changes. He let himself skim over the underwear, palming it once before moving to his thighs. 

There was a small squirm in his lap, and Matthew opened his legs a little wider. He could see that he was fully aroused, only the black netting holding him down. He could read Matthew’s body language, the invitation he was giving out. 

He brought his hand back up, letting himself feel Matthew through the holes.

“May I?”

Will asked as rubbed over his cock.

“Yes.”

With the confirmation Will used his hand to push his underwear down, so that Matthew was fully uncovered and then he took him in his hand. Matthew tensed in his lap, squirming again as he started slow strokes.

This was new to them, the only time Will had touched him like this is when he was preparing him or already inside of him. 

He paid attention to the small noises that Matthew was starting to make and how he rocked his hips into the touch. The tip was leaking just a little bit as he memorised the feelings of each vein.

After a loud groan Matthew reached over for the night stand and Will paused a second with his hand wrapped around him, to see what he was getting. 

“Don’t stop.”

Will started again, tightening his grip. 

A few gropes through the drawer brought out what Matthew wanted, a tube of lubricant. Matthew popped the top and Will held out his hand, rubbing it between his fingers to warm it up. 

Matthew let out a little gasp and one hand coming to grip Will’s thigh. It didn’t matter that Matthew could probably do it better himself; it was that they were together that made all the difference. 

He didn’t know if Matthew even noticed the small sounds he was making in his throat with each tug, but it was arousing to see the younger man slowly becoming more unhinged. Will liked that Matthew would be able to feel how hard he was behind him. 

“Want to straddle my lap?”

Matthew looked surprised at first, but then he understood. Will knew that he mattered that they were doing this together. He didn’t want Matthew to feel like anything was forced, they needed to be even this time.

“Yeah.”

They broke apart so that they could both kick their underwear off, and then Matthew sat tight between his legs so that Will could get his hand around both of them. The lube from Matthew’s cock was slowly rubbing off on his own with each stroke, and Matthew’s hand came down to join him. It felt so good to have their members pressed tight together, Matthew’s fingers lacing with his own. 

“Oh god.”

Will loved how expressive he was, Matthew’s mouth opening a little and his eyes closing. 

They slowly devolved into noises as their hands sped up; working together towards their end, but Will never stopped watching Matthew. Will’s eyes eating up his expression as he got close, Matthew getting the little crease between his eyebrows that Will adored. 

It was followed by the pulse in his hand and against his cock as Matthew came.

“Fuck.”

Matthew gasped and Will stroked him a few times before concentrating on his own end. It didn’t take long with the hands wrapped around him and feel of Matthew against him. 

He was left panting, and he watched Matthew grab a few tissues to wipe them off. Matthew’s pale skin was flushed and the orgasm had helped with his relaxation. The nerves that he was showing from earlier were far gone. 

Matthew looked like a cat that got into the cream, his one sided smirk settling into his face as he got comfortable, moving to lay between Will’s legs with his head on Will’s shoulder.

Matthew’s fingers touched his scar again, but the orgasm helped keep him from reacting. 

“What happened?”

Matthew asked as he rubbed over his scar.

“I was gutted.”

“Was this the same time as the one on your forehead?”

The soft tone forced him to look and his eyes roamed over Matthew’s face, seeing no pity. There was only a hint of sadness on his features.

“No, it was a bad year.” 

The words sounded mocking and he slipped an arm around Matthew’s waist to take the sting out of it. Matthew nodded and snuggled in a little closer, he was loose from his orgasm, and Will was happy to stay in bed with their comforting touches.


	7. Chapter 7

Matthew woke in a start, taking a second to place why there was a nude body behind him. He smiled to himself as he remembered the night before, how Will had jerked him off and then after they had lulled into conversation. 

When he had felt Will’s cock against his own he couldn’t stop thinking about how it had felt inside him. At some point he had to accept that their past would always be a part of their relationship, but he also hoped that he could replace the memories with new ones. Matthew’s belly felt tight as he thought about taking Will again. He was thick enough that Matthew could still remember the feel of it. 

It was after that really touched him though; their gentle conversation and the loving way that Will rubbed his hand over his back while he listened. The amount he wanted to talk and share with him was different from the past. 

Will had had a lot of questions for him, asking him all about the last four years. He was genuinely proud when he found out that Matthew graduated at the top of his class. When they had become tired they had shared kisses until Matthew had wanted him again, but Will was already blinking sleepily so they had fallen asleep with Will curled around his back. 

Although they had pretended at dating in the past, it was easy to feel the difference. There was an openness that there never had been before, Will wanted to know about him and was open with his own life as well. To a point anyway. He noticed that Will danced around the topic of what exactly happened that scarred him so much, but Matthew was willing to let it lie for now. 

He rolled over to watch Will sleep. It was wonderful to have Will in his bed, his curls messed up and his expression soft. His fringe was covering the scar, and he looked like the man he had been with before. 

Matthew felt warmth in his chest as he thought over the stories Will had told about his dogs the night before. Telling him how Winston was always the instigator and yet he them played innocent when the other dogs got in trouble. He had lots of stories that made him both miss the dogs and miss the weekends they spent together.

Will was a funny man when he wanted to be, and he seemed to like the way that Matthew laughed. 

When Will stirred he was caught in his thoughts, and it shook him out of it. 

“Morning.”

Matthew said, pushing the blankets down to see more of Will.

“Morning already?”

Will groaned and wrapped his arms around Matthew, pulling him to his chest. Matthew laughed and wiggled in closer.

“I don’t work today.” 

Matthew said, wanting Will to know. 

“Oh yeah?”

Even with the sleepy expression on his face Will looked pleased to hear that. It felt right to have Will holding him, and he already felt his fingers running over his lower back. 

“Planning to go for more than last night?”

Will tapped his hand, giving him a little slap.

“You look so young when you’re smiling.”

They never really talked about their age; Matthew had always placed Will somewhere in his late thirties, around ten years older than him. 

“So do you.”

Will gave a huff of laughter, tightening his arms around him. Matthew tilted his head up, and Will came to him, their lips brushing at first. Will gave into the kiss with a warmth that spoke volumes. 

Having Will nude next to him in bed was like a drug, and he ran his hand over his side, feeling his body. Part of him wanted all of Will, and he wanted to give in. After the night before he wanted more and Matthew broke the kiss so he could speak. 

“There is condoms in the drawer, if you want to.” 

Will licked his lips and Matthew felt the soft touches over his moving down to rest at the top of his ass. 

“We could wait, and have nothing between us. We can go to a clinic.”

The offer sent a shock through him, but he liked the idea, it was another difference from the past. It would mean he would have to wait a little longer, but it would be worth it to feel skin against skin. It also meant that Will had no intention of this just being a fling. He finally felt fully reassured on what this was. 

Matthew brought his hand up, rubbing the scruff that covered Will’s chin. He skimmed Will’s lips. 

“I’d like to be that.”

Will made a noise in his throat, kissing the thumb that rubbed over it. Although he wanted Will out of attraction, they didn’t need sex to feel that close. The way Will was looking at him made him feel as if Will could see inside him. It had been a long time since he had felt that way.


End file.
